mini-bio
time after time
If you haven't gotten it already, my name is Stacey, though my other alias include Varen or Maia. I don't mind my name, but I rather have only close friends or adults use it online. I am the maintainer of two websites - RedAlice.org and Sol-Aria.ORG, both of which were hosted and bought from DreamHost. I am a high school student, currently a senior. I am already enrolled in St.John's University. My GPA is at least 4.0, and I appear as a studeous person. However, despite my good grades, I'm actually pretty lazy around my work. I don't really study unless I truly need to, and I don't put much effort in my homework as some others do. I don't take extra tests (other than some AP courses), and don't participate in many clubs. My only thing in mind is to get far enough for college. Why, might you ask?My life, however, is far from normal. The fact that I have an autistic sister is a huge impact to me. Because my father is unemployed, sick with diabetes, a gambler, (and a bit schizophrenic), and a couch potato , and my mother has to work and be the housewife, most of my life involves just home. I go to school, then go straight home. Same with my older sister. My job is not only to act like a mother of the house, but to still keep up with school. This is why I mainly find solace in playing video games and going online. I wish not to discuss more of this, for I generally don't like talking about my personal life, but let me just say that has become very difficult part on myself to have the normal things a child in my generation usually has. I have to learn to make plenty of sacrifices, in things I rather not lose, and so do the rest of my family. We argue, cry, scream, and go to hell every few months.
The lack of experience is also the reason for my naivite. Interestingly enough, being inside my house so long has given such profound interest in traveling. Even walking around new streets excite me, to be able to see things I only seen in replicated or written form.
Despite my harsh life, I try not to let it bother me. I get depressed occasionally, but I try to find the positive things in life. Toward others in real life, I am shy as hell - for I don't make much contact with anybody but my family. I would run away from the company of others, and I would try to divert the attention of other friends. I can only really talk in a group, not one person. I spend most of my time in school day-dreaming about other things than talking with others. Often, I can become easily influenced with my emotions - I am sensitive to critism, insults, and different opinions. Hell, I had a tendency to cry when hurt (I was bullied for a very traumatic few months). Because of my lack of connections with others, I have a hard time making friends, which hurts my ego alot.Once you actually get to know me (and I mean REALLY), I can be the complete opposite. I am really serious - that's why it's hard to make jokes for me. Though I am sensitive to critism, the important thing is - I never let those feelings affect my outer appearance and my relations with others. Because in truth, I am quite a passionate person myself. I am not afraid to speak my opinion (though it gets in trouble a lot). I take no sides in debates, and sometimes oppose the other for the sake of balance, no shit from others, and truly take hate in even the smaller things. And, of course, I often rant. I rant more in real life than online, though. My rather lack of "fun" often makes it difficult to make friends with. People even assume I can be a real bitch. Of course, that is not true at all. I have a caring heart to take care of others. I am known for always being comforting and generous. My generosity has often brought being taken advantaged of, though. I truly do believe in helping others, so despite my objections to abuse, I continue to bring aid in whatever I can. Doesn't mean I don't appreciate attention, but I don't entirely need it alone to be happy. For some reason, bringing happiness to others makes me glee as well.
My future right now looks blank. But with each step, I hope to open a road for myself. After four years of college, I plan to finally rent a house, until I buy my own, or live with my dear sister until then. Independence is my key goal - while maintaining a good, well-paying job as a website designer and living in a simple yet expansive house. However, I do not wish to marry at all. If I want a family, I might adopt a child in the future. But after being tied down in my home, do I really want to be tied again with a family? I have hope to travel to the future, around the world, and see the things and make the most of my life before time wears me down.